Test time

Never say never. That’s what they say anyway.
And from my experience, I guess I can see that it’s true.
When I graduated from Edinboro University I broke that rule when I told my family and friends, “I will never go back to college.” Never.
Maybe it had something to do with that human biology class I had to take my last semester in which I had to learn about cells and genetics. I went into the final wondering if I would actually graduate or if I would be back again next semester looking into microscopes and trying to identify different parts of a human cell- which looked nothing like the pictures in my $300 book. All I know is that after four and a half years of expanding my mind with classes in literature, philosophy and history, and learning about things like the process of sewage treatment plants, my little brain was tired. And I didn’t feel any smarter, in fact college had the opposite effect on me.
So, I made that silly promise to myself and moved on with my life.
I was thankful for my college degree over the years as it allowed me to explore teaching English as a Foreign Language while I was living in Portugal. It also helped me get accepted into a teaching fellowship here in New York City.
Now, almost five years later, I am breaking my vow as I prepare to go back to college to earn my Master’s degree in education. I don’t even want to think about the detrimental effect learning another degree will have on my brain.
But before I even have my first class, I must take an eight-hour test that has questions ranging from world history to advanced Algebra - not exactly subjects I enjoyed or excelled at in school.
In order to study for the test and hopefully pass it, I went out and bought a book to help me. Within the first 30 pages of the book, I am encouraged to study graphs and charts; get a broad understanding of art, music and architecture; and practice writing essays on general topics. It seemed like a lot to do in my free time and I assumed I had learned about some of these things in college and that I would remember them. How silly of me.
In my practice test, I was unable to describe economic theory and had no idea what the central idea was in one of Shakespeare’s sonnets. And these were only questions one and three. I hadn’t even got to the math section yet. Yikes!
Question 13 asks me how many cucumbers Maria can buy if she has N dollars and three cucumbers can be purchased for $1.50. Well, maybe if she had the right currency I would be able to answer that. But here in America, we use numbers for money, not letters. Surprisingly enough, that answer was not represented in choices A through D.
As the weeks went by and I continued to study for my exam, I not only realized that it was impossible to study for an exam of this nature, but I became angry with the idea that I had to take this sort of exam. Ninety percent of the test was testing me on things I hadn’t needed to know in all of my 28 years of life in two different countries and two different professions. What did it really say about my intelligence if Shakespeare’s sonnets meant something different to me than the world of academia? And do I really need Algebra to go shopping? If Maria bought too many cucumbers with her N dollars, couldn’t she just ask the cashier to take one off of her bill?
In any case, I am not against learning how to be a well-rounded person. I am sure my life would be easier if I could figure out how many pairs of shoes I could buy with my N dollars. And I am sure I would be a better writer if my knowledge of Shakespeare went beyond, "To be or not to be,” which I first heard on Sesame Street as I was learning the letter "B."
I have accepted the fact I might not pass this very important exam, and perhaps I will have to endure another eight grueling hours of test-taking. If that happens, I guess I am paying for all the times in school, when my high school English teacher was going on and on about iambic pentameter and I thought, I will never need this in real life. Or when I thought in college, if I can just pass this finite math class I will never need to know how to do this stuff ever again.
Never say never.